I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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