Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
