theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
