Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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