ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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