your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize