Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
