I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
