Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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