Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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