Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize