Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
