She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
