my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize