Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
