OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
