I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
