I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
