even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
