you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
