she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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