Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
