apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
