Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
