I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
