You can't motorboat a personality
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
