ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize