That's intense
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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