Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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