I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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