I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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