Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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