these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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