I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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