guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
