We need to rekindle our bromance
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
