It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
