Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
