Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
