i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
