Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
