He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
