Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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