pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
