I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
