Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I could fuck to npr.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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