Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
