Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
