..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
