I woke up to her vacumming the grass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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