Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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