It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
