We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just found a bag of teeth...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
