I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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