if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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