i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
