I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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