now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
