Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
