i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
