i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
