Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
