I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
