If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
