an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
