she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize