You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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