I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
